Episode 30 - Stop Trying to Be Booked - Start Being Chosen

Stop Trying to Be Booked - Start Being Chosen

Hello everyone and welcome to the Photography Breakthrough Podcast. I hope you are having a great day wherever you are. Hard to believe we're in another year. 2026, and if you're listening to this podcast on the day it comes out, we're now past the first month. And maybe you're thinking, I wish I could get booked more as a photographer. I wish I had more clients. Clients who paid me. What I deserve to be paid for my talent. I know you're talented. I see your work. I see you. You're doing everything you know, but you're still not getting clients. If that's you, this episode is for you.

Getting booked, getting clients, that's passive being chosen. That needs to be earned. And if you've been working hard. Posting, responding quickly, lowering your prices. Sounding extra friendly, yet still not getting booked, not getting clients. This episode is going to explain why.

You see most photographers. They don't lose clients because of lack of talent. They lose them because they're showing up like they're hoping to be picked instead of standing like someone worth choosing. It's a big difference, and I want you to feel the difference between those two very different energies today.

If you're honest, you've probably had moments where an inquiry. Comes in and your body reacts before your brain does. You know that feeling. Your heart speeds up. You think, don't mess this up. You overexplain. You soften your language. You try to sound agreeable, flexible, enthusiastic, easy. You tell yourself you're just being kind, but what you're really doing is this. You're trying to reduce the risk of rejection by shrinking your authority and clients smell that a mile away. Even if they can't name it, they feel it.

The photographers who are both constantly, they don't chase alignment. They create it.
They don't want to be approved. They don't audition for work. They don't sound like they're grateful just to be considered. They lead, and you've really got to hear this leadership, it's what makes clients feel safe, not friendliness, not enthusiasm, not flexibility. Safety authority.

Now, let's be clear about something that's a little uncomfortable when you're trying to be booked. Your energy is focused on you. You want the job. And because of that, you're stuck with your fear, thinking about your income, your calendar, and maybe even your worth. But when clients are choosing a photographer, they're focused also on themselves. You've got to understand this. How they'll feel, whether they'll be awkward in front of your camera, if you'll make them look bad, if they'll regret spending the money.

If your response doesn't re-center their experience, they hesitate. Not because you did something wrong. But because no one stepped into the role of guiding them. Yes, that's your role. You must guide your clients. You must guide your new potential clients.

I want you to think about the last time somebody sent you an inquiry. Maybe it was an email or a DM, but they contacted you. They liked your work, and they wanted to find out what it takes, how much it costs to work with you. Ask yourself honestly, did I try to convince them? Or did I guide them through the process? Most photographers are defaulting to something like this. I'd love to work with you. Let me know if you have any questions. Yes, that sounds polite. It also sounds unsure.

Now compare it to this. Based on what you shared, here's how I'd approach your session and why it works well for people who feel the way you described, do you see that difference? Do you feel the difference? One is asking for permission, the other offers leadership.

You need to guide your clients through the process , so they can see themselves working with
you. They get a glimpse of what it's going to feel like.

Now, let's clear this up because this is where a lot of photographers get stuck. Leadership does not mean being cold. I'm not saying that it doesn't mean being dominant. Very different thing . It doesn't mean acting like you don't care if they book you or not. I'm not saying any of that. Leadership means I trust myself enough to guide you clearly.

Clients don't want to manage the process. They want to relax inside of it
and relaxation. It only happens when someone competent is holding the frame. That has to be you.

So here's a direct upgrade you can use starting today. Instead of saying, I'd love to work with you,
try something like this. From what you shared, it sounds like you want a session where you feel supported and not rushed. Here's how I can structure that. Do you see how that feels different? Let's do another one. Instead of, let me know what you're thinking. Try something like this. , The next step I recommend is a quick consultation so I can tailor your session for you. Maybe you do a call or a zoom call. This isn't pushy.
It's direction and direction leads to a calm client. Who feel secure in what you're going to give.

I know this may sound like it's hard, but here's the deeper reason many photographers struggle with this shift. Authority requires self trust. Before external validation, you have to believe your process works before a client is going to confirm it. You have to believe it. You have to stand behind your approach before anyone will ever say yes to working with you.

And yes, that might feel scary, especially if you've been told to be humble, grateful, or flexible to succeed.
But humility is not the same as minimizing yourself. Stop giving your work away just to be chosen.

Let's talk about the consequences of all of this. When you're responding to a client or a potential client in an overly enthusiastic, overly accommodating mode, clients price shop you , sessions feel chaotic.
You overdeliver and undercharge, and here's the big one. You feel resentful afterward, not because your clients are bad, but because no one led the process. You see, leadership protects both of you.

You are not a vendor. You are not a button pusher. You are someone people trust with how they see themselves. This is intimate work. And intimate work requires confidence, not performance confidence, but grounded certainty, certainty that says, I know how to guide you through this.

When I think back about past clients. And Yes, I always think about Aretha Franklin. I, I, I love her. I, I
loved working with her. I worked with her for 13 years and everything I've been talking about, it's really why the book Aretha Cool exists.

Aretha Cool is my third book, and when I first met her, I just published my first book. The first book was called Sepia Dreams, and it was photographs and interviews of 50 African American celebrities. She was not in the book. I gave her my first book at the end of the shoot, and she loved it, but then she looked at me and said, why am I not in this book? And she didn't really say that kindly, and it hit me, wow, this is the Queen of soul, and she's not in this book with 50 incredible stars. So I told her, then I promise you, one day I would make a book just on you.

And true to my word, after 13 years of working with her, I created Aretha Cool. That book is packed with confidence from her side and from mine. What am I talking about? After the first time working with Aretha, she gave me her number. And she told me, if you ever need me for anything, give me a call. Yes. I was shocked that the Queen of soul said that to me. But here's where confidence comes in. I called her about a month later and told her my idea about a shoot. You see, you have to take control sometimes. And not be afraid to do so. Yes, she's a big star, but we had a connection.

I felt that on the first shoot, when you feel that, then you can run with it. I gave her my idea. She loved it. That was the second shoot, and that led to 13 years of us working together.

If you wanna see what that looks like, get your signed copy of Aretha Cool by just going to arethacool.com. There are two versions of the book. The book is almost sold out, but there are a few copies left. They're all signed. There is a standard edition. You'll see that on the website, aretha cool.com. Each one is signed, but then there's something special as well. There's a limited edition version of Aretha. Cool. That's packed with a lot of wonderful extras. You'll see that on the site as well. From the limited edition version. There were 100 special books. There are about 32 left right now.

If you want one of the super special editions, go to arethacool.com. Yes, I loved working with Aretha, but I love all my assignments with all my clients. And I want you to love it too.

So let me leave you with this. You don't need more inquiries. You need to show up differently inside the ones you already get. You don't need to convince people to hire you. You need to let them feel held by your clarity. So stop trying to be booked. Start being someone who can be trusted because when you lead with clarity instead of hope, clients don't just respond. They choose you.

I want to thank you for your time today and if this episode helped you feel steadier, more grounded, more willing to take up space, please leave a five star review. It helps this podcast reach other photographers who are still stuck trying to earn permission. Feel free to share this episode with one photographer who believes enthusiasm is confidence when what they really need is authority.

Thank you for your time today. I wish you all the best and look forward to seeing you again next week. On the Photography Breakthrough Podcast, I'm Matthew Jordan Smith. Bye for now.